enelliott

I broke up with Elina three weeks ago. I shut down, emotionally, after that. Ten days after the breakup, I woke up and realized what I had done. And I realized, just like always before, I had fled the battlefield. Only to secure my own safety. And that's okay at some point, sure. But on another it's not at all okay. Because for the first time in my adult life, I felt the battle was worth it, even if it meant I'd not make it. So I tried to call her, I tried to write to her via Facebook, I even sent an actual letter. The response I got was nothing of what I expected. I poured my heart out, begged, pleaded. She told me to stop thinking it was al

I pity my family for not knowing what crosses my mind these days. I pity myself for having the knowledge about it as well. I feel it not necessary to tell. This year broke me, brought me to my knees. Left me for dead. So if anyone should ask where I went, if I went away. Do not tell them, they will not want to know. I will not want them to know where I am.

I don't know if i'll actually manage getting myself out of this slump. It feels as though I'm about to get sucked down deeper in it, and not be able to get out. This is indescribable. I am obsolete in nothingness. If that even makes sense? I differ beginning with nothing - ending up in nothingness.